


Kill Me and Save Me and Leave Me Here Broken

by Namgitrash



Series: Shadowhunters Being Sad n’ Stuff™️ [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Apologies, Best Friends, But his simping is lowkey toxic, Clary Fray Bashing, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Simon Lewis, I’m just Shadowhunter trash at this point lol, My First Work in This Fandom, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Sad Simon Lewis, Short One Shot, Simon Lewis-centric, Simon is a simp, Vampire Simon Lewis, bc I hate her with a passion, but it’s from clary so it really shitty, i wrote this even though I have a full ass essay due tomorrow, that im posting on ao3 anyways, uh, uhhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:32:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29840190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Namgitrash/pseuds/Namgitrash
Summary: Simon wasn’t living for himself anymore. He was living for Clary. Nothing made that more clear than when she brought him back from the dead.orAn introspective look on what happened in the cell at Hotel DuMort
Series: Shadowhunters Being Sad n’ Stuff™️ [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193756
Kudos: 5





	Kill Me and Save Me and Leave Me Here Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I’m watching the Shadowhunter series and I kin Simon so hard and I hate Clary so much and uh that just kind of birthed this ficlet ig. Enjoy :3

Simon was breathing hard in the corner of the cell. He’s never been one to be claustrophobic but he feels like the smell of Clary’s blood and the sound of her heartbeat is choking him. He’s never felt this hungry before, like his stomach is destroying itself and then rebuilding in a torturous cycle that isn’t helped by Clary’s incessant talking.

She keeps on talking to him, like he’s a caged animal, like he’s gone off the deep end and she’s trying to appeal to his humanity. It’s like she still thinks that he has a choice in all this. But he doesn’t. He stopped having a say in his life ever since he walked into that abandoned church. Simon has always lived his life with Clary. They’ve been best friends through thick and thin, but ever since she became a Shadowhunter...

Simon wasn’t living for himself anymore. He was living for Clary. Nothing made that more clear than when she brought him back from the dead. Simon gritted his teeth against the urge to turn around and suck Clary dry. 

Her heartbeat was more insistent now. What was now a soft thrumming, now a pounding drum resounding in his head. She was apologizing, if you could even call it that. It was like she didn’t understand that he wasn’t just the same old Simon but with fangs.

She thrust him into a world with rules and a culture he had to get adjusted to. Where he had duties and responsibilities that he never asked for and didn’t want. The fact that he could turn into a slave to his desires if he skipped a few meals . She just....didn’t get it.

She expected him to forgive her, but why? He hasn’t even had time to fully grieve the life that he lost because as soon as he was brought back to the land of the living he was right back to saving Clary. She wasn’t strong enough. He was already going to die at some point. Yes, he hoped it would have been later on in life, but part of being human was that the next second wasn’t ever promised to you. He signed up for mortality when he was born. 

Simon may not have been ready to die. But he was ready to stay dead.

And Clary took that from him. When he yelled out Rafael’s name, he hadn’t even reached his breaking point. He could’ve gone for at least another 30 minutes. But he needed to stop Clary’s fumbling at an apology before he said something to her that he regret. 

He remebers telling her that he could never hate her. And he couldn’t. Not when he loved her too much to ruin her like that. He knew it didn’t matter if he was here if he hated Clary. It might as well’ve been the same if he was dead. So Simon sucked up his feelings, because he knew that if he was going to make it in this new world he’d need his best friend by his side. He knows that she won’t be there for him when he needs her to be. Not about this. But he always felt better helping people anyways. 

A part of Simon dies in that cell. He always knew that he would do anything for Clary. But, after she brought him back with no regards to how he would live in this new reality, it was plain to see that he didn’t have a choice. Even if Clary didn’t know it she sent the message loud and clear. 

Simon Lewis would always be there for her...whether he wanted to or not.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed my ficlet! Feel free to yell at me on tumblr @randomshitsandwhich and leave comments/kudos if your heart desires. k bye :3


End file.
